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Rapport and Pacing

 Rapport and Pacing: -

The basis for Harmony in relationship

Rapport: -

Everyone can recognize two lovers sitting close together in a restaurant, and notice how they look deep into each other's eye, their heads at the same angle. When one lifts a glass, the other does as well, with the same sort of movement. They are mirroring each other with their body language. They speak in the same manner, in the same soft tone at the same speed, using the same sort of phrases and words. They even breathe in the same rhythm. They are pacing each other. They are in so called rapport situation.

Rapport exists when two people develop a mutual feeling of harmony, well-being and security. There is a interesting comparison with musical resonance. If you strike a note on a tuning fork and hold it near to another tuning fork, the second one will also start to vibrate, even though they do not touch. This rapport or say resonance occurs between people when they work and live in an open, trusting and contented relationship.


Rapport is also about meeting people on their own level and making them feel at home.

Rapport is based on agreement and mutual respect.

When you relate to other people, you can choose one of the following points from which to start:

1. You can decide to concentrate on the differences between you.

2. you can emphasize the similarities between you i.e. the things you agree on, feel and think the same about and react the same way to.

It is obvious that if you emphasize differences, it will be virtually impossible to achieve a rapport situation. Concentration on similarities will help to overcome resistance, distrust, doubt, fear, anger etc. People do have a lot in common, and with practice it is possible to find a way of seeking it out. The sympathy and understanding that comes from rapport helps people to take criticism, accept change and put more effort into a situation.


Rapport is the finest situation that people can have together, which is why the concept is so central to the service situation.

People in rapport situation, unconsciously pace each other.

PACING: -

Pacing is the best tool for achieving rapport.

Pacing is, literally holding a mirror up to another person so that they see in your actions and statements a duplicate of their own, i.e they see what their knowledge and experience tells them is right, real and genuine.


Pacing is therefore, a question of entering another person model of the world, meeting them on their own ground by mirroring their body language, voice, vocabulary and mood in such a way they feel comfortably in unison with you.

Pacing, of course means showing the other person those aspects of you that are most similar to his / hers.

We all have tendency to like people who are similar to ourselves and so want to agree with them.

We communicate best with people who feel as we do, who see the world in the same way, who have the same likes, dislikes, beliefs. We chose our friends from amongst those who make us feel at ease with ourselves.

Pacing occurs quite unconsciously with friends and when there is sympathy between people i.e  rapport. Pacing can be used consciously as a technique to achieve rapport where it does not easily or naturally exist e.g. when people do not know each other and are hesitant, nervous, frightened, frustrated, defensive or aggressive.

The highest aim in any communication is to achieve rapport and the best tool for this purpose is pacing.

If you master a pacing technique you can create winning situations and take control of any communication or service situation.

                                           ****            *****                  *****


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